he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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