Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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