He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
