Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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