i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
