it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
