i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
