Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
