I want to stick my p in your. b.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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