so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
