you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
