Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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