I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
