if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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