Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
