So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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