i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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