hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh god the rape fog is back!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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