i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
