I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
