Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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