There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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