They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
