I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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