I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
