Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please don't give away my fajitas
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
