please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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