Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
