Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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