rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
