Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
