So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
