woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize