I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
