does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
