I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
