She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
3 2 1 whiskey
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
