i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
