hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
