I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
