Are we in a gay sports bar?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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