I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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