He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
