Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
