Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
