She's JV to your varsity
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
