Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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