I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
