dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
