Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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