mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
