Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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