I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
