We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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