Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
