I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
