Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
