Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i wish my penis had a tongue
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
