I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
