I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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