The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
