Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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