I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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