Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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